It's Just A Box of Rain

"Maybe you'll find direction around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you"- Grateful Dead


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Times are busy friends, harder than ever to stop by and write something, yet I have so much to say. I think I will write a little update for now on how the kiddos are doing.

V just turned 4! Hard to imagine. Interestingly, in the weeks since her birthday she has been processing a lot of heavy stuff and it has made her down and anxious sometimes, it seems. She has had a lot of questions about birth, death and adoption. Not exactly light and airy topics. Even when we do have lighter topics, she pretty much is nonstop talking which has been a bit of a challenge for her introverted mom to handle, ha. She’s such a sweet and sensitive and aware kid whose brain is constantly going.🙂

W is well on her way to turning 1?! 11 months old next week. She is still getting up 3 times a night. She has really really epic separation anxiety. During the day, she is constantly busy, now that she is a walker. She doesn’t know how to sit and play. She loves to go after everything dangerous- trying to climb up on things, reaching for cords, sneaking into the bathroom and throwing things in the toilet. I am pretty worn out, ha, from all the daytime shenanigans and then the nights aren’t exactly restful to boot. But she is a very happy baby and man, she is a tenacious, expert level problem solver.

It’s so true what they say… the days are long and the years are short. My life feels like a total blur since we became a family of four. But a lucky and happy blur.🙂


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Thoughts

Some things that I have been on my mind lately. In no particular order.

  • How has it been almost four years since I finally became a parent? That time literally FLEW by….
  • I feel so fortunate that we were able to become parents. Many people are not able to have the opportunities we did to become parents… and if they did, did not necessarily have the opportunity to do it twice, or however many times they would have liked. I will always be mindful of this privilege and hope that people find peace in their family building journey, whatever “peace” looks like for them…
  • This past year has been a whirlwind. As we prepare for W’s first birthday party (in 2 months), it’s hard to believe how far she has come physically and we are so grateful she is doing so well. The first few months were full of a lot of stresses- both with the adoption and her physical needs- and as things settle, I realize just how much has changed. Thanks to everyone who was really supportive in those early months. I was really stressed and anxious.
  • How are we the parents to two kids? This should be no surprise, but it’s still amazing to me that we are a family of four- and also- just how much this has changed our lives, even from one kid.
  • I wish our house had more space, but I feel grateful for the roof over our heads and that a private school option was affordable for us, since we are stuck here
  • I am so glad V and W are getting along better lately… there were some issues for a while there… and I am sure there will be some in the future. But it is really wonderful to watch their relationship developing and a bond deepening.
  • Hearing children’s laughter in my home is one of the most magical, dream come true sounds that I could ever imagine
  • It’s interesting to watch anxiety develop in my kids, being no stranger to it myself
  • I wish I read more books, I feel like I can’t do it- my attention span sucks
  • The Whole 30 and aftermath to healthy eating went well, I am holding at about 10 pounds less but I seem to have hit a wall, I really hope to start running again this spring and need to find time to do my physical therapy exercises on my abs
  • I am working on a photo project with some friends to hopefully further develop my skills and take them to the next level
  • I am constantly struggling with keeping my social plate too full or too empty. Being an introvert is weird.
  • Somehow our summer is filling up with plans… how does that happen?
  • This country is really messed up lately, politically and there have been some really scary news stories lately… I am slightly scared, slightly fascinated as someone that has studied sociology and also hoping against hope that we can sort through some of the prejudices we all have, particularly racial ones, and become better… somehow
  • Racism sucks. And not the Klan-y type either. Insidious, covert racism is even more dangerous in many cases. It feels like every week I see stories that break my heart. I try to be the best white ally I can be, but there’s more we could all do.
  • There’s too much angry in this country and too little empathy. I wish we could start listening to each other and working together, but somehow, things feel more divisive than ever.
  • Norovirus is the devil. It killed a week for us, including a trip to the ER for V. Everyone is on the mend finally, but I am still exhausted from it!
  • Parenting two kids can really be tough as a highly sensitive person/ introvert somedays… trying to find balance for myself and address my own needs so I can be the best mom that I can be and feel more in balance (but notice I didn’t say perfect.)
  • Also a highly sensitive person, I have to limit myself to the news too much or I get really anxious if I watch too much. I feel like I am easily traumatized by the news.
  • I love hiking and looking forward to doing more as the weather improves
  • Looking forward to SPRING and all the activities that come with it… in the words of my favorite band I’m “ready for Spring… it’s beauty changes everything”- a nice fresh start
  • Speaking of music, we have 6 concerts scheduled. We would do even more if babysitting and finances were not an issue. I am so glad we got back into this little “hobby” of ours, and have met so many cool people doing it. Music truly does bring people together.

 


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What’s up?

Long time, no write. I am not really sure what to say most days. I have been living in the now. And the now is quite hectic- but not with anything deep. And I am often too tired or zoned out to write. But let me try and catch up.

W is growing and doing great. She is 8.5 months now. Motor skills wise, she is making strides very quickly. She went from crawling to standing independently in two weeks. I think she will be a fairly early walker (as compared to V who walked at 14 months.) She is a sweet and smiley girl who loves to laugh and has never met someone she didn’t like and  who will eat anything. Unfortunately.. she does not love sleep. We are up several times a night, especially when she has a cold or is teething, which is like every ten days at this point. She is into everything, so I have to watch her constantly and she wants to be held lots and needs lots of soothing (not abnormally so, but more so than V did at a similar age.) So she definitely tires me out and I fully appreciate now how lucky we were that V was such a good sleeper so early on…

V is also doing great in Preschool, which is mostly play based (which I love.) We decided to move her to another school for PreK next year, in order to secure a spot for Kindergarten the following a year. It is a Catholic school and we are not very religious (although not atheists either), so that was a lot to discuss. In the end, we had several schooling options locally and we picked the one that had the least negatives for us (the one that had the most positives was far too expensive. ) Things we do like about this school: extracurricular activities, small class size (which she definitely benefits from with some of her sensory issues), and that it is very diverse. Oh and we also like that for the first few years they do double recess as they realize kids need lots of time for play. Also we heard lots of positive things about it, in the community.

Another interesting thing taking up time for me has been doing the Whole 30 challenge. Cooking most of my meals from scratch has taken up a lot of time, but it was a worthwhile effort as really Paleo type lifestyle (mostly, not strictly) is how I would like to live. I have noticed some benefits including weight loss, inches loss so that my pants fit better and acne improvement. All good things. Will be interesting to shift back off the less strict plan tomorrow. I feel proud of myself for sticking to it and it has motivated me to exercise more and stick with being healthier and eating less processed crap.

Our house has been a mess a lot lately, so that has been fun to live with… I have had to let go of any expectations I might have… it’s not like I am a prim and proper person who is always neat… far from it. But, we live in fairly tight quarters (old house with small rooms) and both kids make it their business to mess it up. Ha. And it is just really hard to keep up with everything. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do all the laundry I need to do, among other things. I honestly don’t mind as long as we aren’t having people over. I do wish though that the floor plan of our house had more living areas as there is lots of space we can’t use. We would like to move someday, but it is out of the question for the next few years. I need to do some consignment sales soon to start getting rid of some of our baby stuff. Hard to believe, but the time is drawing near… well, for some of it anyways. The big stuff. I am working on some ways to streamline the mess too to maximize our living space.

And in some exciting news, we are going on a trip (just me and P) to Colorado in May, so that will be pretty fun. We had to scrimp and cut corners, but I am excited to make it happen! We also hope to take some of our tax return to take another trip to visit my sister sometime this year.

So that’s a little slice of what is going on in my life. There are other things of course, but with my sleep deprived brain, I can’t be expected to remember all of them. But for the most part, life is pretty good. We could use a little bit more money, things are pretty tight and we don’t have enough in savings, but we are happy and know the sacrifices are worth it and that this is a short term issue. Just trying to enjoy these moments with my kids now as I know someday I will be behind a desk again and seeing them a lot less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Happy Holidays

No matter what you celebrate, I hope it was/ is happy….

We had a very Merry Christmas in our home. Feeling very grateful to have our family finally feel complete. So many sad past Christmases and New Years… It truly feels different. I never thought I would be here! And here we are.  Thinking of anyone who is not quite there yet.


  

It’s been quite a busy month! Lots of illnesses and both kids are very active and in need of lots of attention. I think of post ideas but they never come to fruition. I think that’s the way it’s going to be for now!

Much love to you all


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Whoops

So, I missed the end of NaBloPoMo, whoops! We had a very busy end of November. Thanksgiving and then Pete and I spent three days in New York seeing My Morning Jacket on a date weekend (and we met the band which was awesome)… we were pretty busy!

Now here we are zooming through December.

It’s hard to believe but W is 6 months old! And she is constantly developing new skills. She has had some trouble sleeping too. Add the poor sleep at night to constantly needing to watch a baby who is reaching for everything, I am one tired Mama. But I am a happy Mama too.

We are currently working on getting V into a school for next year, where she might stay for elementary school and probably W too. Cross your fingers for us that all works out.

Enjoy your holiday season, whatever you celebrate! 12322560_10153306652701239_5091599578488072488_o


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Day 25- Grateful- #NaBloPoMo

November is always about gratefulness. I am going to make a list about the things I am most grateful for…it’s easy to talk about the hard stuff on a blog, but this is important too. Even if it is a little cliche.🙂
Things I am grateful for:

– Our family is complete- I get to be a mommy!

– Having a home/ roof over our heads

– Being well fed. It breaks my heart that even in this country, people starve.

– An involved husband who is truly my parenting partner

– That my husband and I are still in love and still truly best friends

– My family- appreciate them, flaws and all

– My friends, who have been there for me and fun new ones too

– That I still have my sense of humor after lots of life’s bullshit

– I’ve let go of a lot of emotional baggage and it feels good. I feel more able to live in the present than ever beforez

– thankful for the ability to travel a little and go to concerts, we may not be rich, but glad it’s possible now and again

– Thankful for the ability to be a SAHM, which is what I always wanted, truly. 

– 2015 was a healthier year for me- physically. That’s awesome to be able to say. Really thankful for Pelvic Floor Therapy- things feel normal again! 

❤️


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Day 24 – 6 months- #NaBloPoMo

  
I forgot to mention W turned 6 months old this week. She has nearly quintupled her weight since birth. She is happy and healthy. She has a bit of reflux, especially at night. She is meeting milestones, sometimes towards the end of the expected range, which makes sense as she was early. She’s VERY active and doesn’t like to sit still. We are in trouble soon. 

These 6 months have gone by in a flash. Unbelievable.

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